- We appreciate what you’re trying to do!
- Tell us a joke! The one's you've been telling so far have been brilliant.*
- Could you speak a bit louder please?
- Would you like a woman to sort it out?
- Oh, Thom.
- I drew you a cat.**
- Don't break the yurt!
- And yet.
- I/we love you, but not how you're being just right now.
- Can I have Joz's tenner?
- 'Buffy' didn't start till 1997!
- No more whisk[e]y for you!
- I feel destroyed!
- Twisted fire hazard!
- Stick it on the wall!
- Is it moral?
- [any prime number]
- Weird cuckold situation.
- Sounds a bit Catholic to me,[insert name here]!
- And also with you.[Or any of the other congregation responses from the Catholic mass.]
*Not permitted if said sarcastically.
**Only permitted if accompanied by a drawing of a cat. A MORALLY GOOD CAT. Inexplicably popular.
Please note, the above heckles are only permitted at the Alternative Comedy Memorial Society (ACMS) shows. Purged heckles - as of 24/10/16 - include the little used "Help - my friend here is having a stroke. Not really.", the initially practical "It's next to Espionage!", and the cruelly accusatory "That's a Joe Pasquale joke, surely."
The merits of "Why are you dressed as an oven?" are still - as of February 2017 - being considered; it may yet be afforded permanent Permitted status. Regardless, it is a fun thing to ask Thom if you see/sense him out & about.
There are different permitted heckles for use at the Alternative Alternative Comedy Memorial Society (AACMS) rival/splinter shows. These include:
- There's one in Worcester!
- Also creepy.
- Stick to your guns!
- That's a Tony Law joke, surely.
- Yes, you're the Third Earl of Right!